Today I was leaving my place and I noticed right outside my subdivision, the road was blocked off with cop cars and fire trucks.  I looked closer and I saw a motorcycle turn over.  It was pretty easy to see since it was right next to the exit of where I live.  Next to the motorcycle I saw something that made my stomach turn.  A covered body.

I find out later from the news that it was a 26 year old male who died from accident.  He was riding his motorcycle and a truck cut out in front of him.  He had no time to react and hit the truck at full speed.

The man was younger than me by 4 years who died.  It really had me thinking.  One moment you could be living your life and the next moment, it is gone.   After thinking that I knew I had to start living it up a bit more, for I do not know if I am going to live to be 90 or am I going to have the same fate as this poor man.

My heart goes out to his family and loved ones.  It is hard to lose someone.  Especially when it is so sudden.

Now, how will you live your life?

I can’t help but feel sorry for people who get so involved in a certain movie or animated film.  I was grocery shopping yesterday and I saw three girls.  One was pushing the cart, the second was dressed as part of an evil group from the show Naruto and the third had a collar and chain.  The one dress from Naruto was holding the chain.

Let me break down the three girls.

Girl 1:  I give you credit.  The other two girls are your friends and you back them up.  You do not feel embarrassed to be around them.

Girl 2: What is wrong with you.  Wearing that costume for everyday shopping.  Some may say you are just being yourself.  BUT YOU ARE NOT!  You think you are part of a group from an animated cartoon.  THEY DO NOT EXIST.  YOU DO NOT HAVE “SPECIAL POWERS”.  Even if you think you are really one of the characters, you are holding the chain of the girl with the collar.  I have seen Naruto.  That group does not do that.  They are not into that kind of thing.

Girl 3:  I know what you are doing is a type of look.  There are a lot of people actually into that.  So I am not against that at all.  You are being yourself and that is cool.  This is what I think is stupid though.  You are letting a girl dressed as a Naruto character tug you around.  WTF!  Have the other girl do it!  You are taking a type of serious style and meshing it with a person who think they can shoot fireballs from their damn fingers!

This is all happening why I was trying to by yogurt.  But the cool thing is that I love going to the store.  You see the most interesting people.  That and they had a sale on turkey jerky.  So I got some.

Ok so I really needed to get out.  So I went with my sister and her boyfriend to the mall.  I stopped into Teavana in Novi and there was like five people working there.  One girl spotted me behind the counter and I talked to her about tea as she helped me find some tea I wanted.

It was weird though.  I am not sure if she was so chatty with me because it was her personality, she was doing it to sell me tea or she might of thought I was cool.

I am so shy when it comes to talking to girls now.  I have been out of the game for four years so I am not even sure what to do.  I wanted to ask her more things, but I couldn’t really get the words out.

She was really super cool, cute and fun.  I am not sure how old she is.  I mean I am almost 30 so when I look for girls now they are either divorced, married or look older but turn out to be too young.  So maybe she was too young.  I don’t really know.

All I know is I wish I would of talked to her more cause now I keep thinking about it.  My receipt from Teavana said her name was Leona K.  But that doesn’t tell me anything.  

Does anyone want to give me some advice?

I have this box at home.  Inside the box is memories I have kept over the years.  It can be anything from a little trinket to maybe a letter or pictures.  Last night I decided to check through this box of goodies.  There were memories from more than ten years ago; I couldn’t believe it.  But then I came across something that unlocked something in my mind.

I have been dealing with little depression issues and high anxiety.  I am on medication for it.  It is weird though because I think the medication dulls out some of my emotions.  I am able to think straight again and my mind is wiser than ever now.  But as for tears, it is hard to get them out.  This is coming from a really emotional guy too.

I found many things in this memory box that actually made me tear up some.  Some memories were notes from friends telling me how much they mean to me.  It was a good feeling.  The tears that started running down my face were of happiness.  I felt wanted.  But then I saw it.  The one thing that would turn the happiness off.

I found this drawing from one of the happiest weekends I ever had.  About three or so years ago I fell for this girl named Connie.  Within a month we fell deeply in love.  We really did fall hard for each other.  I couldn’t believe how much I liked her for her.  She also liked me for me which is hard for me to find.  But she had to leave me for things I really do not want to say.  But we were still in love when we had to leave each other.  Imagine having something that means so much to you taken away and you will never see or hear from it again.  It has been 3 years and yes, I have no idea where she is.

The thing I came across in my memory box was a picture she drew for me.  We both loved to draw and we drew each other a picture to show how much the weekend we spent together meant to us.  I saw this picture and I really started to cry.  Do I still love her?  Maybe.  But I love the person from three years ago.  I am not sure what she is like now.  I do hope she is happy though.

Who would of thought after all this time those feelings would still be in my mind and heart.  If she randomly showed up at my door tomorrow, I would invite her in.  I always wanted a girl like her and I had that for a month.  Which is weird because I never believed in falling in love so fast, but we both did.  

I cried a lot.  It was almost like I cried for three years of not crying.  For remembering every moment I talked to her just by looking at one picture.  That is strong stuff right there.

After awhile, I stopped crying and I came back to reality.  I know she is gone forever and there is no way to reach her for she disappeared.  But again, I really hope she is happy.  Maybe one day she will come across this blog on the internet and remember me.  I am not sure.  Also maybe one day I will really find my true love and be able to forget about her.  But I will say no matter where you are Connie, I do sometimes still miss you.  I hope you have the life you always wanted.

Have you ever had a memory that deep in such a small object?

Why can’t life be more like chalk?

Nothing but a million colors.  Exciting, new, bright.  Able to draw many things and experience many things in the world.  But all I hear lately is sad stories.  That does not make the world colorful, but gray and gloomy.

I don’t like living in a depressing world.  I have to make my own fun and happiness and I hope everyone else can too.  You just have to stay positive and happy.  You can have your bad days, you are only human.  But also try to have more good days.  Gray and gloomy or colorful, what do you pick?  I know what I pick.

There is this girl I really like.  But I don’t think she will ever like me the same way.  I think we would be the perfect match for many reasons.  Not to mention I have been friends with her for over 10 years.  But it seems like maybe I am too friendzoned or something.  She won’t seem to even give me a chance.

What would you do to get someone you really want to be with?

It is strange.  I know a lot of people.  I mean A LOT.  But the ones I truly care about, I can count on only one hand.

These people mean the world to me.

Lately I have been having some weird dreams.  Last night was a strange one.  Everyone I know and I were on the Death Star.  Spoiler Alert though….Darth Vader is NOT my father.  But somehow I knew the Death Star was going to blow up.  I managed to get everyone out of the ship before Darth Vader could blow it up.  It was strange and cool.  When I woke up I thought, “Man, I was a hero”.  Then it ended like this..

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Q: So what type of weird dreams do you guys have???

This morning I looked in the mirror and thought about some recent events in my life.  I actually smiled.  It has been awhile since I had a sincere smile.  It felt strange at first, but then it felt pretty damn good.   Funny how somethings can do that to you.  You can have all the pain in the world, but sometimes something will happen and it rules over all the other things.  

Q: What has made you smile recently?

Sometimes I just feel brain dead.  My life consists of videos games, movies, my youtube videos, my photomanipulations, my drawings, taking pictures, etc.  Maybe all in all I just can’t relax because I don’t make time for it.