Paul Celano

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Remembering Love From A Picture

I have this box at home.  Inside the box is memories I have kept over the years.  It can be anything from a little trinket to maybe a letter or pictures.  Last night I decided to check through this box of goodies.  There were memories from more than ten years ago; I couldn’t believe it.  But then I came across something that unlocked something in my mind.

I have been dealing with little depression issues and high anxiety.  I am on medication for it.  It is weird though because I think the medication dulls out some of my emotions.  I am able to think straight again and my mind is wiser than ever now.  But as for tears, it is hard to get them out.  This is coming from a really emotional guy too.

I found many things in this memory box that actually made me tear up some.  Some memories were notes from friends telling me how much they mean to me.  It was a good feeling.  The tears that started running down my face were of happiness.  I felt wanted.  But then I saw it.  The one thing that would turn the happiness off.

I found this drawing from one of the happiest weekends I ever had.  About three or so years ago I fell for this girl named Connie.  Within a month we fell deeply in love.  We really did fall hard for each other.  I couldn’t believe how much I liked her for her.  She also liked me for me which is hard for me to find.  But she had to leave me for things I really do not want to say.  But we were still in love when we had to leave each other.  Imagine having something that means so much to you taken away and you will never see or hear from it again.  It has been 3 years and yes, I have no idea where she is.

The thing I came across in my memory box was a picture she drew for me.  We both loved to draw and we drew each other a picture to show how much the weekend we spent together meant to us.  I saw this picture and I really started to cry.  Do I still love her?  Maybe.  But I love the person from three years ago.  I am not sure what she is like now.  I do hope she is happy though.

Who would of thought after all this time those feelings would still be in my mind and heart.  If she randomly showed up at my door tomorrow, I would invite her in.  I always wanted a girl like her and I had that for a month.  Which is weird because I never believed in falling in love so fast, but we both did.  

I cried a lot.  It was almost like I cried for three years of not crying.  For remembering every moment I talked to her just by looking at one picture.  That is strong stuff right there.

After awhile, I stopped crying and I came back to reality.  I know she is gone forever and there is no way to reach her for she disappeared.  But again, I really hope she is happy.  Maybe one day she will come across this blog on the internet and remember me.  I am not sure.  Also maybe one day I will really find my true love and be able to forget about her.  But I will say no matter where you are Connie, I do sometimes still miss you.  I hope you have the life you always wanted.

Have you ever had a memory that deep in such a small object?